Why Do I Run?

...many of my friends ask themselves this question from time to time. I am always intrigued to hear their answers. Most of the time, I cannot begin to relate. Their stories can be found under "More Fun Stories" to the right.

For the most part, the people that I run with are fast (and I use the term "with" in the loosest sense of the word). They are competitive in their age groups if not overall. They take this shit seriously, and they love their sport!

I get it. I get that it's inspiring when you are good at something.

I used to play volleyball. It felt to me like I always stood out...even way back when. Asked to move to JV as a freshman in high school and practice with Varsity. Starting at my position as a sophomore, earning local and state honors. As a junior, being recruited by Top 10 colleges and universities, being invited to train at the US Olympic Center. Captain of the team my senior year, Fab 50 recruit (the blue chip of volleyball), accepted a full scholarship to The University of Texas.

Good. Great, even!

In college, I started as a freshman, played for a National Championship my sophomore year. Earned All-Big 12 honors as a junior and a senior. My teams won a Southwest Conference championship and Big 12 championship. Yes, this was truly my thing.

Sadly, my "thing" is over now. It will never be the same. Not now. Not ever.

Something that being in sport taught me is that if something is worth doing, it's worth putting time and effort into being the best.

So now, why do I run?

I run to remind myself that I am human, that I am flawed, and that I am not always the best...and that that is okay! I will never win a race. I have no chance at finishing first in my age group. My only hope is to not come in last. I am not used to this, but I find great value in it.

As part of my training, I ran 20 miles last Saturday. This was not an easy run for me as I had been out of practice for several weeks over the holidays. I did it though...even if I did not do it well. You can find my run here.

It is worth noting that I walked the last 1 1/2 miles. My pace had fallen off so much that I was actually passed by two men who were walking. Try as I might, I couldn't run any faster, so I decided to walk myself.

I asked myself "why do I run?" many times on this course, although it sounded more like, "why the hell am I doing this, again?!"

No, I am not great at running. I am not even good.

It was humbling at first to realize this, but now I embrace it. I am not ashamed that I am one of the last to finish the long runs. It may actually make me stronger. After all, I am still a runner.

There IS value in the pursuit of the challenge...even if I am not the best.